Why I can't "just have one"...

I hear it all the time. "You can just have one!" or "One won't hurt you!" The problem is that I am simply not capable of just eating one of any of the junk food that I used to and then carry about my day. Could I simply grab one cookie and walk away? Absolutely. You'd think that would be the end of it, but it never is. For the next few minutes, hours, or days I think about how I just want "one more" and it was SO good and I "deserve" it.
Do I really? Do I really deserve the sluggish, nauseated, gross feeling that inevitably comes right after? Do I deserve feeling guilty because I know what I just ate wasn't going to help me make progress toward my goals? Usually that guilty feeling makes me feel even worse and I eat other foods that aren't good for me. I think I deserve better than that.
Please don't get me wrong. I do think the occasional treat is okay but I think that you need to know yourself well enough to know your triggers. Recently, I gave up sugary treats and pizza for three months prior to my birthday. On my birthday, I allowed myself to indulge in pizza, cake, candy, etc. I told myself I would have a day where I wasn't so focused on what I ate. The problem wasn't that day--it was the entire week that followed. All I could think about was the foods I wanted more than the healthy food on my plate. It led to me making some poor decisions in the week following. I had an incredible birthday because I was surrounded by people I love but all of the food I ate that day cost me a week of peace.
Food addiction isn't unlike a drug addiction. People laugh at the term "food addiction" but honestly think about it. Just like a person addicted to junk food, a person addicted to drugs thinks about them constantly. When they use them, they can't control how much of they use of them. When they run out, it's all they think about. They may have made many unsuccessful attempts to stop using them only to relapse. Much like drug addiction, there are also withdrawal symptoms associated with food addiction. I have learned that I personally am not able to control myself when I eat these foods so I choose to not eat these foods. It's really that simple.
I've been trying to teach myself that I'm eating to live, that I am not living to eat. This is a hard concept to accept because some foods just taste SO good it is hard NOT to crave them! I've learned a lot about myself during this journey. I've learned that I am a lot stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. I mean that not only physically, but also mentally. I am in this to ultimately save my life. If I had continued down the path I was on, my health would have continued to spiral and my quality of life would have diminished. I think I'm worth more than pizza or a sweet treat.
All of that being said, I still love food and have found lots of products that are delicious but also healthy and help me achieve my goals. I will be making a post about them soon!
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